Usually when people think of innocence they think of a small child learning that Santa isn’t real or realizing the Tooth Fairy is just your parents leaving money under your pillow. Some people even think of a person losing their virginity, but that’s not the innocence we’re discussing today.
The innocence I’m referring to is the innocence that we all lose when we fall in love, for the first time or for the ten millionth time. The first time I lost my innocence was in college. I stopped believing in love because my heart was broken by a guy I thought truly loved me. After he and I broke up I didn’t think I would find love anymore. I’m generally an optimistic person, but when it came to love, I decided not to divulge too much into the reality of it, yet I was so intrigued by the idea of having someone who chose to love me.
My interest in love and what love truly is led me to fall so hard for men who did not want to be with me. Honestly, I felt a little harden. I didn’t want to give my heart to anyone else just for them to break it again, yet I was still looking for the true meaning and wanting to experience what I saw in the movies. I’ve fallen for men who didn’t even know I was interested in them because I was fearful. Losing my innocence the first time, believing in a love that didn’t exist for me, made me never want to lose it with anyone else.
So many people, especially women, lose their innocence and never get back to that place where they’d want to lose it again with someone else. All of my tales of innocence lost has led me to my one true love, and I wouldn’t change anything. I’ve learned so much from my relationship with unrequited love and the pain of heartbreak showed me what love actually is. Overall, I’m grateful that it didn’t change who I was. I still remain the person I was before I knew what love was, only stronger and wiser.