Protect your peace, honey!

Listen…life is nuts maintenant, but guess who is thankful to be working towards something!

So, I am really good at extending myself to things that do not serve me and I’m good at holding on to relationships for longer than I need to.  These are my confessions.

I am also a magnet for people who need a hug and a friend, but sometimes maintaining relationships with people who are in repair can be draining, and I don’t think that it’s selfish to put yourself first sometimes.  So, I’ve lived by the following rules for the past few months:

  1. Will the world end if I don’t attend?

  2. Is it going to cause me stress and a very large mess?

  3. Am I going to have to talk through my feelings afterwards?

Is it worth it to get the short end of the stick all the time or should you care for yourself?

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GIRL, IF YOU DON’T PUT YOURSELF FIRST!

Of course it’s easier said than done, but it’s so much easier done once said.  You’re more inclined to do the things you speak about.  No more putting everyone else’s feelings before yours.  Who’s going to take care of you?  Your needs come first because you wake up and lay down with yourself every day.  Put yourself first and protect your peace, honey!

Can you keep up? Cuz, I’m surely ’bout to lose my breath…

Hey y’all!

So it seems like overnight my life became crazy busy.  I find myself sometimes at work making to-do list, working on blog stuff, figuring out business stuff and trying to plan dinner meals and workouts.  And I am just pooped!

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Lately, my mind has been filled with thousands of ideas.  Lots of sleep has been lost, but I’m grateful because I prayed for ideas and I prayed to be busy and I surely prayed for God to stretch me and use me.  But what do ya do when your self care is compromised?

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Keep working, but take some time to treat yourself!  In the midst of my busy life, I got a promotion at work (yay!).  Now that I earn a little more, I can treat myself to something nice, even if it’s just an ice cream cone.  If money isn’t something readily available to you, have a night in with some wine and Netflix, paint your fingernails, anything that is truly relaxing to you.

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It is just so hard for me to say no, but I’m slowly learning that saying no and putting things in order by priority are key to my success.  You don’t want to burn out…it’s very rare to come back from a burn out.  So, don’t be afraid to say no or not at this moment.  I’ve tried to say no to things that are not going to benefit me in the long run and that has worked for me, so I’m sure it’ll work for you!  You’ve got to put yourself first because no one else will.

Anxiety on fleek!

Hey hey people!

So, let’s be real for a minute.  Have you ever felt like you were thrown into a challenge with no armor, no weapon, no footing, no ANYTHING?!  This has been my week!  I feel like I’m dangling on the edge with one foot on the platform and it’s so scary!  Mix anxiousness, with imposter syndrome and what do you get?  Anxiety on fleek this week, okurrr?

Personally, when I feel uncomfortable or unsure it affects not only my performance and anxiety, but also my self-esteem.  It feels like I can’t do anything right when my performance suffers, and in turn I feel like I’m not good enough.  Talk about a downer, right?

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So what’s one to do when that happens?  How do you land on both feet?  Well, I’ll tell ya.

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Take a deep breath and close your eyes for a few minutes.  It helps to reset your mind and organize your thoughts.  There have been countless times where I have to step away from my desk and take a walk just to keep from freaking out!  And that’s okay!  Mini freak outs are okay because they’re temporary, but realize that you’ve prepared for the place you’re in and now it’s time to show and prove.

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We ALL fall and scrape our knees.  Let your wounds tell the story.  Nothing that’s worthwhile EVER comes easy…it comes with bumps, bruises and scabs.  Renew your mind and take care of yourself first.  You cannot be valuable to anyone else if you’re not taking care of you.  So, it’s okay to fail and it’s okay to be anxious and worried and to lose your footing.  Just make sure you don’t give up.  That is how you land on both feet.

The F Word

Hey y’all!

So today we’re discussing the F word…that’s right.  Forgiveness.  I think it’s quite intriguing how we, as people, shy away from talking about forgiveness.  It’s such a life changing experience.  Watch below as I talk about my dealings with forgiveness:

 

While forgiveness is a great route to freedom, don’t forget that anyone or anything that is toxic to your life is not needed.  Like I mentioned in the video, forgiveness starts and ends in the heart.  There are instances where we may forgive someone who is very toxic to our well-being.  You do not have to keep this person in your life!  Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation.  It’s okay to leave toxic people out of your life if they can cause harm to you.

I hope this has touched you.  Keep me posted on how it goes!

He makes ALL things new…okurrr!

Hey darlings!

So, I’ve been super busy with things that I love to do and this post serves as an update to life!  I’ve discussed on here before the distress with my job and how I have been waiting for something greater.  After the last unpleasant incident I decided to focus solely on my God given gifts.  I have a knack for planning and organizing events and things and I also always have a new idea.  I also like to use my experiences to help others going through the similar things.  So…

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I’ve decided to buy my blog domain name!

I know it doesn’t sound major, but it means that I’m willing to invest money into myself…which in turn means that I believe the things I do are of value to this space.  That’s big FOR ME.  Who knew that I’d ever be confident enough in myself to take steps like this?  If you would have told me this 10 years ago I would not have believed you.

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I’m also in the process of creating the curriculum for a self-esteem program for children and teens.  Once I focused more on God and the gifts that he has placed in me, my whole outlook changed.  I’m grateful for my gifts and I’ve been enjoying this newness.  I’m also trying to blog more and post more videos and things, so be sure to follow this blog and also my YouTube.  I’ve made updates to this wordpress site so take a gander.  As usual, thanks so much!  Even if no one ever reads my blog…at least I tried.

Let’s Chat!

This week I got a chance to relax and reflect on life and all the joy and pain it brings.  I thought about all that led up to my life today, and I felt compelled to share.  I’m not too shy about sharing my journey to a better Ashley, but I often hear a lot of the same things when I share.  So, I decided to make a video and talk about my journey and to shed some light on self-esteem, self-worth and self-love.

 

LOSER!

My name is Ashley, and I am a loser.  You’re probably a loser too.  The definition of a loser is a person that has lost something or that loses. By definition, I am indeed a loser. I’ve lost family members. I’ve lost job opportunities. I’ve lost a countless number of other things that I have no idea about. Losing has been part of my identity for a while. Since the day I realized what it meant to lose, I’ve been a loser because I’ve experienced lost. I remember the first time I actually realized and felt how much of a loser I am. It was right after I graduated from school. My grandma had recently passed, I had to move back in with my mom and finding a job was a struggle. I went to job training all the way in South Carolina for a week just to not get the job. I drove all the way to the other side of my city for job training just to not get that job. I came home crying so much and I told my mom that I was a loser. But all my losing wasn’t bad. I’ve lost out on opportunities that may have been more harmful than good for me. I’ve lost out on guys who may have ended up mistreating me. I’ve lost out on job opportunities with places I would not be happy at. So, yes, I am a loser, but I’m a proud one.

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The way I see it, there are two types of losers: A Losing McLose Pants and a Winnie Winning Loser.  A Losing McLose Pants loser decides to live in the land of rejection.  I completely understand because I’ve lived there before.  It’s easier to accept defeat!  Accepting defeat means you’ll never win.  Never winning means you’ll never move forward and lots of people are okay staying where they are.  A Winnie Winning Loser takes their losses and learns from them.  They find some solace in knowing that every loss brings you closer to a win.  Even if the victory is small, you’re one step closer because you’ve taken your loss and gain something from it.

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Losing fostered resilience in me. That did not happen overnight.  Some things that I’ve lost were my own fault.  I would never try because I didn’t want to fail.  I didn’t want to feel like a loser because feeling like a loser made me feel worthless.  When I separated loss from self-worth, it became clearer that losing is not always such a bad thing.  Now, I lose…a lot, then I get back up and try again…a lot.   I lose, but my faith isn’t shaken and I handle the loss with stride.

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 I’m humbled by my losing. Nothing will keep you more grounded than getting denial after denial, but don’t stay in that place of feeling like you’re worthless because you’re always losing. I’m so humbled by my losses because everyone doesn’t get the opportunity to lose. Some people are given things that they later regret. I’d rather gladly lose than unhappily win. Now when I look back, I realized that the jobs I wanted then have absolutely nothing to do with what I want to do now and they may have been more harmful than anything.  There’s always a purpose and a plan to life’s ups and downs.  You’re probably reading this and thinking that you’re a loser too.  Yes, you are indeed a loser because everyone experiences loss, but don’t give up. Get back up. Let this loss teach you what it means to be a loser. Be a loser with pride. I am a big loser, but I’ve gained so much in my losing.  I am proud to be such a wonderful loser.

The DNA Effect is here!

So, I decided back in 2017 that 2018 will be my year of try.  Trying new things, trying to put myself and how I feel first, trying to get my life.  I’ve put lots of goals on the table for this year, and one of them is coming into fruition TOMORROW!

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My friend Deneka and I are starting a blog that focuses on healthy eating and fitness through the lens of two Black women just trying to do it all…while making sure their food is seasoned.  We’re doing this for the culture.

We are so excited to embark on this journey together!  We welcome you to check out our blog.  Click the link below and share, follow and give us feedback!

The DNA Effect

Mrs. Do It For Me Too.

I’ve been pretty transparent about my self esteem.  In the past I hit a hard spot and got through it with the help of God, my squad and therapy.  So, every once in a while I get into a phase where I become a little envious of others (I CRINGE).  I start to reflect on where I currently am in life and zone in on the negative.  Then, I start comparing myself to others around me who are thriving and succeeding and wonder why I’m not there.  Why isn’t it going that way for me?  How come am not seeing my success?  I know I’m good enough, so why haven’t experienced such joy and triumph?

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When those feelings arise it turns into an ugly alter being and I call her Mrs. Do It For Me Too.  Do it that way for me.  Do it just like you did it for them, for me.  Do it the exact same way for me in the same time you did it for them.  Life doesn’t work that way though.  God has us in certain places for a reason and I’ve learned that while I’m trying to find the reason, I’ve got to fix some things in my life.

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In order for you to survive your rough times while you wait for transition you have to shift the way you do things.  I’m currently at a quandary with my job and in order for me to get through my work day I have to shift a few things.  I read a devotion before I start my work day.  I listen to music to block out the negativity around.  I actually take my breaks and do something non-work related.  The point is that you need to feel comfortable while you wait for your transition.  It’s necessary to find something that makes you feel okay.

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 Once I learned how to be comfy enough where I currently am while I wait for a shift, things that seemed hard became easier to manage.  Be thankful for where you are and for who you are at this moment.  I’ve taken more time to appreciate who I am at the moment and that boosts my self esteem.  Be your own hype person! 

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Sometimes it’s hard to understand why things happen in life or why you haven’t had this monumental move, but remember when Mrs. or Mr. Do It For Me Too pops up its ugly head, just remember that someone could be saying the same exact things about you.  God blesses people in His time.

Does it feel windy in here, or is it just me?

So, I’ve been going through what my pastor likes to call, a Whirlwind.  He defines a whirlwind as a moment in time where it seems like several things hit you all at once.  During a whirlwind it’s hard to find your footing and it seems like it’s never going to get better.

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Right now, I’m in a bit of a whirlwind and so are several members of my life.  It’s quite interesting that so many people I am close to are going through difficulties.  Luckily we’ve been able to lean on each other, but what do you do when things just seem to never end?

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The most wonderful thing about going through things is knowing that there is a purpose that lies within.  My pastor says that we go through things so that we can help someone else.  My desire is to help others, so if I have to go through things then I will.

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New levels, new devils…right?  It’s hard to understand when you’re getting hit from multiple sides, but when you’re being elevated you’re going to go through.

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The thing that keeps me going is knowing that I’m close to coming out of my whirlwind.  I just gotta stay strong and rely on the support of my friends and family.  We literally rely on each other.  We send each other scriptures and talk through what’s going on.  Listen…everybody needs a good squad.  I’ve got a God squad.

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They say things get better, right? So, I’m gonna believe it until it happens.

I hope you do too.