Tag: growth

Let’s Do It All Again…and Again…Forever.

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Well, hello there!

After a much needed break and rest, I’m finally ready to talk about how amazing A Look in the Mirror turned out to be.  I’m still very much in awe of God’s faithfulness to me and how He has pushed me forward this year.  If you’re not aware, I relinquished all rights to my life this year and gave it over to God…and it’s been one of the best decisions ever.

For our last meeting, the girls were asked to say speech, written by them, describing how the program has helped and the difference it made in their lives.  Waterworks.  I cried like a baby because these girls have made such an impact on my life and all had such beautiful words to say.  I’m so proud of them because they faced their fears and did a little public speaking in front of their family and friends.

After we spilled out hearts (and eyes) we enjoyed each other for the last time and had some food and fellowship.  My wonderful friend, Mario Turner, captured both video and photos from the event!

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If you’re interested in bringing this program to your place of business you can do so using the link below:

A Look in the Mirror Contact Form

Tell Me Where Your Worth Lies: Weeks 3-4

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So, hey y’all!

I know I was gone last week, but I’m feeling much better and ready to give you another recap of A Look in the Mirror, weeks 3 and 4.

Week Three

During Week 3, we talked about our emotions and reactions to the things that happen around us.  We played a little game of charades, where we examined what our emotions look like in action.  We talked about times that made us feel that way and discussed how to work through our emotions.

We also talked about perception vs. reality.  People will tell you that you are something that you’re not.  Ugly.  Fat.  Stupid.  But the beautiful thing about living life is that we make our own realities.  Who cares what people say about us?!  As long as we know who we are…we’ll be just fine.  The girls made affirmations that remind them of exactly who they are.

Week Four

This is most likely my favorite week so far.  We talked about self confidence and our worth.  I asked each girl to discuss their worth and how that relates to the people we choose to surround ourselves with.   All class we sat in a circle of positivity, so that we have can an honest discussion and so that we can see each other when we’re talking.

We talked about some tough stuff: school, bullying, confidence.  We also did the work.  We discussed what confidence means to us.  Each girl talked about what negative and positive impacts their friends have on them.  This allows us to really analyze who we’re surrounded by and how they affect our lives.

We ended class by sharing positive thoughts about each other.  Each girl stood in the middle of the circle and was given positive thoughts by the others who remained outside of the circle.  Admittedly, I had no plans on participating myself.  I felt like this was an activity for my girls, but they encouraged me to participate.  After a terrible work week and stressful home week (our home needs MAJOR repair after the hurricane) it was nice to hear such positive things from them.

This program has rejuvenated something in me that my regular work doesn’t allow: freedom to feel.  As adults we’re told to swallow our feelings, to keep it moving, to keep pushing and to keep making money, but following my dreams and having something to give to these girls has given me a joy that I cannot describe.

If you’re interested in bringing this program to your place of business you can do so using the link below:

A Look in the Mirror Contact

Tell Me Something Good: Week 2

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Hey y’all!

I’m back again with A Look in the Mirror!  This week we focused on controlling the things that we can and accepting the things that we cannot.  The girls did some activity sheets that asked some of the harder questions: what makes you feel bad?  What makes you feel good?  What is something that you don’t enjoy about yourself?

The point of this exercise was to learn what things we can control about what effects us every day.  Can you control if someone is mean to you?  Of course not, but our response can be controlled.  We can accept that mean people exist, but we don’t have to go to their level and be mean back to them.  Kill ’em with kindness!

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If the girls can identify their triggers early in life, it’ll make their interactions with others a little easier.  They will be able to identify someone negatively affecting them and be able to remove them from their lives.  Next week we discuss more triggers to our emotions and our responses to them.

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If you’re interested in bringing this program to your place of business you can do so using the link below:

A Look in the Mirror Contact Form

She believed she could, so she figured she’d at least try: Week 1

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Hey y’all!

So get this…ya girl went ahead and launched her self esteem program!

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I’ve been excited, stressed, nervous and just unbelievably happy!  I can’t believed I actually am doing something I’ve set out to do.  I’ve combated laziness and procrastination and this week I started my program with a group of nine beautiful young ladies.

Each week we have different objectives and lessons to focus on that bring us back to overarching goal of loving ourselves fully.  This week we did introductions and we got to know each other.  We played icebreakers that allowed the girls to forge a bond and learn to communicate with each other.

I can’t wait to spend the next  several weeks with these girls!  They’re a vibrant group filled with questions and such beautiful hearts.  I’ll be posting here every week to recap the sessions as they happen.

If you’re interested in bringing this program to your place of business you can do so using the link below:

A Look in the Mirror Contact Form

Tuh…I Didn’t Ask For Your Two Cents.

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There’s a new therapeutic method that I have been trying lately and it’s been life changing.  It’s not a new thing for me, but it’s highly recommend to you all.  It’s called Minding Your Own Business, or MYOB for short.

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I’m a huge advocate and you should be too!  Gone are the days of inquiring and asking about things that don’t concern you.  A short list of items that don’t concern you:

  1. Any woman’s uterus.  It’s rude to ask when someone’s having kids.  PERIOD.
  2. Any person’s bank account that does not belong to you.
  3. Business ventures that you have not invested money into.  Keep your opinion, b.
  4. Why someone is doing anything (if they ain’t yours, it’s ain’t your biz)
  5. Any adult’s outfit choice.  Mind yours, you didn’t buy it.

The list goes on and on, but you get the point: MIND YOURS.

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I know you’re saying “But, Ashley, I’m good at minding my business, but what do you do when someone is minding my business too?”

Short answer –> TEACH THEM.

Sometimes you gotta teach people how to mind their own business.  If they ask you something that does not pertain to them, it’s okay to kindly decline to share.  If you do this enough times the behavior can be learned.    People’s business spreads faster than anything, but if you’re not telling yours who would know?

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“But Ashley, I’m a fan of minding my business, but people tell me their’s because they want to unload”

I, too, am an active listener…but, the key to being a good listener is ONLY LISTENING.  If someone confides in you and tells you something, keep it with yourself.  It’s possible to keep your business and any other business someone has given you to your self.  It’s called being a confidant.

So please, people…if you’re not trying to help change someone’s situation, just don’t get in their business.  If you’re not offering helpful solutions to their problems or if they’re not confiding in you, just mind yours.  If you have poor intentions just mind your business.  Some things you just don’t need to know.

Anxiety on fleek!

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Hey hey people!

So, let’s be real for a minute.  Have you ever felt like you were thrown into a challenge with no armor, no weapon, no footing, no ANYTHING?!  This has been my week!  I feel like I’m dangling on the edge with one foot on the platform and it’s so scary!  Mix anxiousness, with imposter syndrome and what do you get?  Anxiety on fleek this week, okurrr?

Personally, when I feel uncomfortable or unsure it affects not only my performance and anxiety, but also my self-esteem.  It feels like I can’t do anything right when my performance suffers, and in turn I feel like I’m not good enough.  Talk about a downer, right?

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So what’s one to do when that happens?  How do you land on both feet?  Well, I’ll tell ya.

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Take a deep breath and close your eyes for a few minutes.  It helps to reset your mind and organize your thoughts.  There have been countless times where I have to step away from my desk and take a walk just to keep from freaking out!  And that’s okay!  Mini freak outs are okay because they’re temporary, but realize that you’ve prepared for the place you’re in and now it’s time to show and prove.

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We ALL fall and scrape our knees.  Let your wounds tell the story.  Nothing that’s worthwhile EVER comes easy…it comes with bumps, bruises and scabs.  Renew your mind and take care of yourself first.  You cannot be valuable to anyone else if you’re not taking care of you.  So, it’s okay to fail and it’s okay to be anxious and worried and to lose your footing.  Just make sure you don’t give up.  That is how you land on both feet.

The F Word

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Hey y’all!

So today we’re discussing the F word…that’s right.  Forgiveness.  I think it’s quite intriguing how we, as people, shy away from talking about forgiveness.  It’s such a life changing experience.  Watch below as I talk about my dealings with forgiveness:

 

While forgiveness is a great route to freedom, don’t forget that anyone or anything that is toxic to your life is not needed.  Like I mentioned in the video, forgiveness starts and ends in the heart.  There are instances where we may forgive someone who is very toxic to our well-being.  You do not have to keep this person in your life!  Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation.  It’s okay to leave toxic people out of your life if they can cause harm to you.

I hope this has touched you.  Keep me posted on how it goes!

He makes ALL things new…okurrr!

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Hey darlings!

So, I’ve been super busy with things that I love to do and this post serves as an update to life!  I’ve discussed on here before the distress with my job and how I have been waiting for something greater.  After the last unpleasant incident I decided to focus solely on my God given gifts.  I have a knack for planning and organizing events and things and I also always have a new idea.  I also like to use my experiences to help others going through the similar things.  So…

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I’ve decided to buy my blog domain name!

I know it doesn’t sound major, but it means that I’m willing to invest money into myself…which in turn means that I believe the things I do are of value to this space.  That’s big FOR ME.  Who knew that I’d ever be confident enough in myself to take steps like this?  If you would have told me this 10 years ago I would not have believed you.

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I’m also in the process of creating the curriculum for a self-esteem program for children and teens.  Once I focused more on God and the gifts that he has placed in me, my whole outlook changed.  I’m grateful for my gifts and I’ve been enjoying this newness.  I’m also trying to blog more and post more videos and things, so be sure to follow this blog and also my YouTube.  I’ve made updates to this wordpress site so take a gander.  As usual, thanks so much!  Even if no one ever reads my blog…at least I tried.

Let’s Chat!

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This week I got a chance to relax and reflect on life and all the joy and pain it brings.  I thought about all that led up to my life today, and I felt compelled to share.  I’m not too shy about sharing my journey to a better Ashley, but I often hear a lot of the same things when I share.  So, I decided to make a video and talk about my journey and to shed some light on self-esteem, self-worth and self-love.

 

LOSER!

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My name is Ashley, and I am a loser.  You’re probably a loser too.  The definition of a loser is a person that has lost something or that loses. By definition, I am indeed a loser. I’ve lost family members. I’ve lost job opportunities. I’ve lost a countless number of other things that I have no idea about. Losing has been part of my identity for a while. Since the day I realized what it meant to lose, I’ve been a loser because I’ve experienced lost. I remember the first time I actually realized and felt how much of a loser I am. It was right after I graduated from school. My grandma had recently passed, I had to move back in with my mom and finding a job was a struggle. I went to job training all the way in South Carolina for a week just to not get the job. I drove all the way to the other side of my city for job training just to not get that job. I came home crying so much and I told my mom that I was a loser. But all my losing wasn’t bad. I’ve lost out on opportunities that may have been more harmful than good for me. I’ve lost out on guys who may have ended up mistreating me. I’ve lost out on job opportunities with places I would not be happy at. So, yes, I am a loser, but I’m a proud one.

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The way I see it, there are two types of losers: A Losing McLose Pants and a Winnie Winning Loser.  A Losing McLose Pants loser decides to live in the land of rejection.  I completely understand because I’ve lived there before.  It’s easier to accept defeat!  Accepting defeat means you’ll never win.  Never winning means you’ll never move forward and lots of people are okay staying where they are.  A Winnie Winning Loser takes their losses and learns from them.  They find some solace in knowing that every loss brings you closer to a win.  Even if the victory is small, you’re one step closer because you’ve taken your loss and gain something from it.

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Losing fostered resilience in me. That did not happen overnight.  Some things that I’ve lost were my own fault.  I would never try because I didn’t want to fail.  I didn’t want to feel like a loser because feeling like a loser made me feel worthless.  When I separated loss from self-worth, it became clearer that losing is not always such a bad thing.  Now, I lose…a lot, then I get back up and try again…a lot.   I lose, but my faith isn’t shaken and I handle the loss with stride.

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 I’m humbled by my losing. Nothing will keep you more grounded than getting denial after denial, but don’t stay in that place of feeling like you’re worthless because you’re always losing. I’m so humbled by my losses because everyone doesn’t get the opportunity to lose. Some people are given things that they later regret. I’d rather gladly lose than unhappily win. Now when I look back, I realized that the jobs I wanted then have absolutely nothing to do with what I want to do now and they may have been more harmful than anything.  There’s always a purpose and a plan to life’s ups and downs.  You’re probably reading this and thinking that you’re a loser too.  Yes, you are indeed a loser because everyone experiences loss, but don’t give up. Get back up. Let this loss teach you what it means to be a loser. Be a loser with pride. I am a big loser, but I’ve gained so much in my losing.  I am proud to be such a wonderful loser.